Kako da budete srećniji kao roditelj

[AnaK]

Iskočilo mi u yahoo-u jutros, baš mi je zanimljivo:

Two Simple Ways to Be a Happier Parent


By Nancy Shute , USNews.com

When Christine Carter became a parent, she realized that her work as a sociologist who studies happiness gave her a head start on being a good and happy parent. Rather than trying to solve problems in her family, she wanted to prevent them. That got her wondering what makes for happy families and children. The result of that questioning is Raising Happiness (Ballantine Books).

The book is chock-full of words—gratitude, forgiveness, optimism, and inner peace—I associate more with meditation than parenting manuals. But it's not at all woo-woo. Carter grounds her path to happiness in solid science, including behavioral psychology, which explains why praise is much more powerful in getting children to behave than punishment or nagging. Many of the findings are surprisingly simple. For instance, would you like to know the one thing that will make children do better in school, help them have fewer emotional problems, and make them less likely to become obese or have drug or alcohol problems? Eat dinner together as a family.

Science and simplicity in the service of happier families: That sounds like a winner. So I called up Carter, executive director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California-Berkeley, and asked her how I could start making my own family happier.

She said to start off by asking two questions about your life as a parent:

1. When are you happiest with your kids?

2. What part of the normal day with your family routinely causes suffering?

Then make sure your day is structured so that you get routine, habitual happiness and so that you're eliminating habitual pain.

Carter says that when she asked herself the second question, she realized that she hated getting her two daughters out the door for school. "Every single morning I was yelling at my kids [at] approximately the same time and for the same reason," she says.

So she decided to restructure those mornings so they'd be a shared joy, or at least neutral. The science of changing habits says you have to start off supersmall and build over weeks to a bigger result. So she had the kids put their shoes by the door the night before. In the morning, "I ended up setting a timer," Carter says. "It goes off twice. The first time it goes off, it means clear your dishes and go brush your teeth. The second is walk out the door to the bus." By the next morning, she says, "we didn't have such a bad morning. We had taken the first step."

Just as she changed the family's daily routine to make that one stressful period less miserable, Carter also focused on amplifying the moment that gives her the most joy in parenting. "For me, the most joy always comes at the end of the day when I'm putting the kids to bed" and they're telling me about their three good things [that happened in the day]. That's my most luscious thing, the thing I enjoy the most." To make sure that she didn't miss out on that moment when she had to work in the evenings, "we just moved [that bedtime routine] to after school. They sit on the couch with me and cuddle, and we read a book and they tell me about their three good things."

Carter says that despite her deep knowledge of the science of happiness, she doesn't always do the right thing as a parent. "It's part of the journey, an incremental improvement process. But it's amazing to me how much this stuff works when you have the intention to have a happier morning," she says.

That's my challenge for the week: Make a happy moment with my child part of our routine, and engineer out one annoying bit of parenting. And I challenge you do to the same, too. What will be your happiness moment? What suffering will you avoid?

[Dada]

I mi smo mnoooogo happier family otkad se djeca sama bude i spremaju za skolu

[maxic]

I mi smo mnoooogo happier family otkad se djeca sama bude i spremaju za skolu

Mislim da cemo i mi postati srecniji kad svi budu isli na jedno mjesto u isto vrijeme, i naravno kad sami pocnu da se obalace.

[Elanor]

Mislim da cemo i mi postati srecniji kad svi budu isli na jedno mjesto u isto vrijeme, i naravno kad sami pocnu da se obalace.

jeste lakse, nije da nije, ali ubrzo zaboravis koliko si srecan... stavku dva jos docekala nisam.

[Beatrix Kiddo]

Moji stariji se sami oblace, ali je za mene to dodatni stres, jer oni sjede na krevetu u trik majicama i kukaju kako im je hladno, umjesto da pocnu da se oblace    I za svaki dio garderobe (ako ne viknem u medjuvremenu) im je potrebno vrijeme da se nakane da obuku 
Urosa, poslednjih nekoliko dana, zahvaljujuci Pepa prasetu, mogu da probudim za vrijeme krace od 5 minuta (ranije sam morala da ga gnjavim dok bi se rasanio, nekad ga samo podizala i nosila u dnevnu sobu - sto je znacilo i njegovo plackavo raspolozenje)

Posle mi mm kaze da sam mnogo nervozna i da bi trebalo da poradim na tome 

[MissL]

Meni jutro, neverovatno ali istinito, nakon sto se dobro razbudim of course nije kriticno. Najkriticniji mi je sat nakon sto ga uzmem iz vrtica, nisam sigurna da to mogu da promenim... posle 45 minuta u busu, nekad i sat, sledi cimanje da pozuri iz vrtica (on bi se spremao pola sata), usput borba da se ne zadrzava kod izloga, najverovatnije odlazak u maxi, daj mu odmah da jede uh ... unormalim se posle sat-dva 

[Margarita]

Joooj, i meni je najgore kad ih kupim iz skole i vrtica. Ujutru se nekako i organizujem, crtaci, klopa, oblacenje... Ponesto i sami odrade i mislim da smo sveli kmekanje na minimum Ali popodne je haos, umorni, gladni, Petar obavezno nadje razlog da zaplace. I onda kako udjemo u kucu, krene podsecanje: skini se, izuj se, peri ruke, ne trci, ne udaraj brata, ne ukljucuj kompjuter, ne mozes da dobijes slatkis...
Lepo sam se odmorila dok su baba i deda tu, odlaze u nedelju

[MissL]

a ovo skini se, izuj se, peri ruke da ne pominjem da ne pominjem takodje svakodnevnu raspravu zasto mora sapunom, a ne onim f*** gelom za suvo pranje pritom, sve ostavlja gde stigne i cipele i jaknu i kapu ...

[aleks]

"For me, the most joy always comes at the end of the day when I'm putting the kids to bed"

lepo zena kaze kada je najsrecnija 

[MissL]

Ja sam najsrecnija kad zaspi

[Despina]

 

Mislim da cemo i mi postati srecniji kad svi budu isli na jedno mjesto u isto vrijeme, i naravno kad sami pocnu da se obalace.

i mi 
meni je jutro gore od popdneva, dvoje kukaju kako je hladno, pa proturim ruku A. kroz majicu, L. nogu kroz nogavicu i S. obujem hulahopke :crazy:dorucak, ovaj ce to, ovaj nece, ko ce prvi da obuce skafander, A: ne moze skijaske cipele i one planinarske(ne znam kako se zovu na nasem jeziku)ne dopustaju ulazak snjega u cipele.
Svi placu u autu je hladno, onda se svadjaju koga cu ja prvo da vozim A: u skolu ili L. i S:u vrtic
Popodene vecinski raspolozeni osim L. koji place jer on je zaboga htjeo jos malo da se poigra u vrticu i nece kuci, i nece da pere ruke i nece da ruca  :crazy:i nista nece i tako...
sigurno je sve ovo prolaznog karaktera

[Plava Baklava]

Regenerisana sam posle ove teme  . Ja mislila da samo moj svasta nesto nece  . Inace, OK mi je uvek kad radimo nesto zanimljivo i zajedno i kad imam mogucnosti da pricam opusteno. Zasto, oooo, zasto ne moezmo prvih 6 godina s njima d aprovedemo opusteni bosonogi an nekoj plazi pod palmama 

[Lani]

Pročitala, dopalo mi se, u toliko toga se prepoznala... 
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/12-reasons-every-mum-feels-guilty/136700

[cici]

Svi smo

[Praslin]

Zaključujem da sam ja naučila da budem prilično srećan roditelj 
ali da svakako imam ogroman osećaj krivice 

(Prepoznala sam se u svim tačkama osim u onoj o povremenom favorizovanju jednog od dvoje dece. Da ih imam dvoje, sigurna sam da bih se i tu prepoznavala  )